Unknown's Testimony

Hello friends,
I'm a seventeen year old calling from India. Feeling depressed/lonely? Are your prayers unanswered? You can come out of it and I'll tell you how. Hear my story.
I've always wanted to be good and I certainly was when I was young. Although childhood was one of the toughest times with constant whippings and bullying and physical and emotional harassment (with verbal assaults), I was too innocent to know it. I was not happy, but I was at peace.
Being very innocent, naturally everybody cheated. At first I sighed, then I cried. Finally I began to curse myself for being innocent. One day, highly frustrated I decided to leave God. I learnt to be cunning and wicked. I was a taciturn child and nobody knew of the change.
I felt uncomfortable and returned to God ,but evil had taken root. I constantly relished secret pleasures of lying and cheating. It was only with the greatest efforts that I restrained myself from lying and rebuking. I began to dream of being someone else, refusing to accept the life God had given me. I began reading books on astrology. I used to obey God whenever I needed something from Him ,but the rest of the time, I did what I liked. I began blaming Him for not giving me freedom, I began talking back at Him.
When I was in the sixth standard ,I was subjected to constant bullying. I cried, I sobbed and I begged, but the bullying continued. Everybody, even my teachers and parents constantly harassed me and I didn't know why. I wanted to die (even though I was too young for such thoughts). I LOST HOPE. I only breathed, I did not live.
(This sounds too mature for me at that age, but it is pathetic to be tortured at that age. It is easier to bear sarcasm when you are over fifteen. I was heartbroken and yearning for love).
The 'give and take policy' between me and God continued into the eighth standard. I began to look at God as an enemy, blaming me for not saving me from the bullying. I went to Him as I would go to a shop ,to pay the price and get what I wanted, I spoke to Him as I would speak to a stranger. I constantly told Him that I would not leave Him ,but the coldness stayed.
In my ninth standard the bullying started again ,but it was more subtle and menacing. At this stage, I stopped doing favours and I started pledging my talents and abilities. For e.g., I would say "God, I'll give You my poetic talent if You give me ninety percent in my exams".
In my tenth standard ,the emotional torture reached its peak and my teachers began harassing me openly. At home ,my parents used to blame me for not letting them be peaceful and used to tell me that it was I who spoiled their lives. I decided that I should become evil to teach them all a lesson. When God reproached me, I told Him to mind His own business'. I considered myself to be a martyr ,sacrificing my life to teach them all a lesson.
And I changed, I began lying and cheating. At first it went to my head like heady wine, but soon I began to feel the burden. My own free will was gone. I was in chains and my master was Satan. When the burden became unbearable, I came back to God.
But I did not change completely, Satan partly remained. For a few days I tried to sincerely be good, but then I began thinking of the past. This gateway let Satan in and he planted doubt in my mind. My prayers began to remain unanswered. I began to yearn for the secret evil pleasures. That was when I learnt that God would forgive anything we do. I began to think,' why not make all mistakes and then ask for His forgiveness". But there was the constant threat of 'The Judgment Day' coming anytime. I decided to spend a few hours with God and the rest of the day doing whatever I liked. Whenever I felt guilty, I would comfort myself saying that' if God did not care much about me ,why should I care about Him?'
And then the inevitable happened ,I broke up with the friends who were bullying me. I ran back to God, threw my arms around Him and declared that I had got back to Him.
This enraged the devil to his worst wickedness and God to His goodness. He began exposing me to sermons and Gospels, while he began sending wicked people to distract me.
I once again tried my best to be good ,but my faith was shaken. I would be good, when a cunning friend would mess it up all. I would repent and return and the cycle would repeat itself. I then met a friend who convinced me that God is good all the time. I changed ,but the 'give and take policy remained.
It was the final year of my schooling. A friend who had cheated me emerged more successful than I. I began accusing God of being partial. I accused Him of paying me back for leaving Him. He had gone back on His word, I said. Hadn't He promised that He would pardon and forget whatever I had done? Guilt and fear (fear that He was leaving me for my friend) broke me completely. I cried that I had no one else to run to and I had to stay with Him whether He kicked me or spat at me. I said I would hang on to Him and pray continually no matter what He did .
Now the devil re-entered and began putting strange ideas in my head such as, "God won't answer your prayers if you sit and pray" or 'You have to kiss the ground a hundred times if you want God to come to you'. I obeyed these orders ,but I used to do so rebuking God for making me slog it out. I told Him that I was a sinner and He had every right to do so ,for that was what I deserved. 'But', I would say' People say You are a merciful God .You are not'. My prayers remained unanswered again.
God's work finally paid off recently when I attended a sermon where they told me that it was the devil that had prevented God's blessing from reaching me ('The Gospel Truth' by Andrew Wommack on Godtv at 1:30 p.m. and an Daystar at 10:30p.m.).It changed everything and wiped off the devil from me.
I was utterly broken and repentant, feeling sure that I would never be a part of God's kingdom again, when The Lord said to me, "Come in child. I was waiting for you". I am a part of it now.
All the incidents related above are true and they really happened to me.
I had thought that God didn't care for me, but now I know that Father and Jesus had wept every moment I was with the devil ,suffering.
Do you feel that God is not listening? God is waiting for you to break the wall the devil is creating ,for you alone can do it. So the next time your prayers are unanswered ,concentrate on breaking the devil.
I LOVE MY FATHER IN HEAVEN AND I KNOW THAT HE IS WAITING FOR YOU.
If He could accept me, I, who had willingly fled to the devil, HE WILL DEFINITELY ACCEPT YOU WHOLEHEARTEDLY AND HAPPILY.
IN JESUS NAME I COMMAND THE DEVIL INSIDE YOU TO GET OUT AND FLEE. Sometimes its we who hold the devil when he moves out, because we are scared of the future. We are scared if we will be left alone.
TAKE THIS CHANCE, FOR IT IS A WINNING CHANCE.
DON'T HOLD THE DEVIL, LET HIM GO.
DON'T CALL THE DEVIL EVEN IF YOU FEEL EMPTY AFTER CONFESSION. IT IS HE WHO IS MAKING YOU FEEL SO, TO COME BACK INTO YOU.
RETURN ,IN JESUS NAME I COMMAND YOU RETURN TO YOUR HOME ,RETURN TO YOUR FATHER, FOR THEY ARE EMPTY WITHOUT YOU;
RETURN, RETURN NOW.
LET'S MEET SOON IN HEAVEN.
Yours,
A friend from India.
(Unwilling to divulge name)