Emylou, Emylou's Testimony

My Testimony - How I found Christ and was saved I was brought up in a Presbyterian Church from when I was a baby, mum had that background and dad was from church of Ireland. I didn’t mind my church as I didn’t know any different, but by the time I was about 9 I realized I don’t like this place, hymns are old, you cant even clap and I fall asleep when the minister gets up to preach! Sunday school bored me to tears and I remember me and my brother locking ourselves in the bathroom every Sunday morning crying then mum and dad dragging us by the clothes to the car. Since Presbyterian isn’t a forward teaching, what I mean is they don’t preach every Sunday U MUST BE SAVED, so I never really made a commitment I was just guessing that I was going to Heaven. My family just got out of the way of going when I was about 9 or 10. I still attended the Girls brigade there until I was 12 then left.

I found out I was adopted when I was ten years old and it came to be the biggest shock of my life as I just about knew what it meant, I never had even thought about it as I fitted in so well and people are always saying how much I look like my mum and dad, since that day me and my family haven’t been the same. Most of the time we get on and when we don’t I blame it on me not being their real child and maybe it’s in the blood! They will always be my real family what is blood anyway? I don’t know my real family I will when I am 18, but don’t know if I will make that choice, what do you say to someone whose your biological mum and you haven’t seen her since u were 6 weeks old? Every day it’s in my head, who is she what does she look like does she look like me? Then I just think about the family I have now and its not that I am being ungrateful but it’s the woman who gave birth to me people have no right to judge me when they don’t know what it feels like. Since then I have just felt rejected I suppose as this is my real mum if she doesn’t want me who will? I don’t know the reasons maybe they did but I suppose it’s just psychological. All in my head. I am over it now and to me I’m not adopted as my family are too much my family and I wouldn’t even think about it sometimes I even forget like at Medical things and they say does this run in the family I’m like no no then mums like Emma u aren’t mine! I’m like oh yeah. It is always going to be there but I don’t need to think about it anymore. I then started Girls High and met a girl who I became best friends with, she was brought up in the Elim and was a really strong Christian, every day she would go on about how being a Christian is the bestest thing and how I should think about it I was always like nah I dunno, then I really wanted to become one but didn’t have a clue where to start. One day me and my friend were in Bangor and there was this big Christian bus and a lady said come in and look about we were like oh my life ok, she started asking me questions was I saved? I was like no but my friend is she talked with me for about 10 mins and said do you want to be saved I said yea I really do so we all prayed together and I got saved on 22nd Nov 1997. When I got off the bus I just wanted to cry as I felt soo amazing inside all these butterflies my friend was like isn’t it such an amazing feeling I was like oh yeah. She later moved church and offered me if I would like to start going, I was like ok as I needed a church. So it was just round the corner so I walked every Sunday I was about 13 now and we made loads of friends joined the Y.f and campaigners, went away on so many trips and I loved every minute. My friend started backsliding and stopped going and since my friends were way older they had stopped going when they were 18 as they weren’t Christians and there parents made them so I had no friends and left. That’s when it all went wrong.

I started drinking, very badly not socially on my own, we would usually have alcohol in the fridge or garage and I would go in after school every day and drink, wouldn’t get that drunk only slightly and I would be sober by the time mum came home from work, they never noticed as I filled it up with water and they only drink at Christmas. After a few months I stopped drinking and said I would never do it again, and since that I have only been drunk really badly three times. I started smoking at the age of 13 and didn’t stop properly till I was 16 then started again. Now I would not even look at a cigarette, cant stand alcohol or cigarettes, I smoked cannabis regularly also. I wouldn’t go near that now either.

When I was going through this stage I suffered from depression and didn’t go out properly for about 6 7 months, all I wanted to do was die, I basically slept, woke up, and sat in my room and cried all day over nothing, there was nothing to be depressed about it just came on me and wrecked my life. I tried taking overdoses but I just threw up never passed out, tried to drown myself a few times and slit my wrists but nothing really happened. I got over it all when I went to the elim with my best friend Julie who I have known since I was teeny, she moved when she was 8 and took me along, at first she didn’t want me going as she wasn’t into the whole God thing really and she was embarrassed but I went and I loved it and wanted to keep going back, it was around the time of the Jzone and I got saved again and rededicated my life to God on Feb. 3rd 2001. The depression went, I was a much nicer and happier person I stayed off the drugs, and was later healed of a kidney disorder I was born with, so I was like waw God. The next year I was part of a girl group as I have always wanted to sing and dance and I thought it would never happen I prayed since the Jzone and a year later it happened so hang on in there prayer will be answered maybe not right away. I was in that for a year and a half and we sang at different events and I loved it soo much. It later ended and me and a fellow member of the old band are now in the dance band.

This year was quite a bad year for me, I have struggled 16 months with bulimia on and off at one point I lost 2 stone then I realized what I was doing and stopped it put the weight back on and started it again, bulimia is a vicious circle u cant get out of. I have put my weight back on thankfully but still to this day struggle with it. I need to realize God loves me no matter what and I don’t have to do this.

I had a bad experience in the summer, something happened me I will never know what, my drink was spiked or I was given something by a friends cousin who I had known for 2 weeks I was sexually abused that night and not sure what else as I eventually blacked out and had no control over my body I just woke up the next day so that really messed my head up as I blamed myself but if it didn’t happen to me it would have happened my friend so. Nothing could have been done. I realized then it wasn’t my fault. I started to say I shouldn’t have been there I shouldn’t have said that but it wasn’t anything I done. There are just evil people out in this world. I was blaming God for it at that point, as it wasn’t the first time it happened I was sexually abused when I was 16. I started to backslide and started to drink again but I wouldn’t get drunk, I was far away from God and I was loving it I felt normal, I just didn’t know why God did this to me it took me three months to realize that I needed God and I felt so sorry and I am now totally going for God and nothing is going to stop me I suppose u have to learn from your mistakes. I am completely in love with God and I am finally back to the old me I was years ago but even better, think everyone goes through a rough patch in their life, no ones life is perfect yeah a lots happened to me but God is there to take it all away and to love me no matter what. I need God more than ever right now turning 18 this year and making the decision to go meet my birth family or not in the middle of doing my A levels.

People will walk in and out of Christianity but I believe most of them will be back just never give up hope its hard to believe the girl who was my best friend in first year is now completely lost in the world, I’m still her good mate but she wanted me to be saved and now she's got no life she wants God back but she's too into the worldly things and cant give them up.