Brendon Ward's Testimony

I am a child of Christ. My name is Brendon Ward and sometime in November of 2002, two months before my 18th birthday, I made a very conscious decision to accept Jesus into my life and for Him to reign as my Lord and Savoir. I just wish it hadn’t been as hard as it was. Prior that is. My life has been somewhat of a struggle. Growing up with a father whose affairs ranged from Drug Dealer to Pimp, his own battles effected me and my family. I grew up somewhat loveless. My mother, from a catholic upbringing, was shy to affection and my attempts to get what I really needed was pushed back with labeling such as ‘sook’ and ‘wimp’. Sure, I cried and made strategic attempts at emotional outlet, but there was no avenue willing to accept it. This conditioning and subsequent suppression of emotion lead me to problems in my teenage battle. Those years are tough as it is without having to deal with the things I had. This lack of affection lead to a sense of self-worthlessness and was the agent for the onset of depression. Through these years, I lacked one key, something that is my hope, my joy and my life, I didn’t have Jesus. Sure I knew who He was, but I was to consumed in self pity and getting the most from quick fixes, that I was blinded to the truth. I even went out of my way to appose this form of what I thought was denied insanity. What I was apart of THEN was denied insanity. Yay, drugs I thought. Yay, the effects relating to worsening my depression. Yay, sex. Nope, no answer there either. I tried spirituality as well, but it wasn’t based on anything.

I hit rock bottom and was on the brink of ultimate failure. Selfishly, I contemplated suicide, after all, the people that called me their friends hadn’t made contact with me in months and my family was to consumed in their battles working in jobs they hated to get ‘stuff’ they didn’t need. I thought, hey why not, surely THERE is better than HERE. I thought my answer lied in the only place I hadn’t really looked, the afterlife. But wait, I am still here. Why? God. Jesus etc. I honestly believe that He spoke to me saying “I love you, your chosen, you have a purpose. Don’t deny your destiny. Follow me”. So I put myself on the line and said “Yes” to Jesus. I said “Yes” to salvation. It wasn’t until later that I learnt what that meant and it was a while before I let go of all my immorality. But now, wow. This is life. I have freedom. I am free from fear and I am confident that there is a future for me, how ever bleak the world looks.